My BF (23M) Sabotaged My (22F) Hobbies Out of Jealousy Because I Didn’t Spend Enough Time With Him

Her once-vibrant apartment, alive with the scent of cookies, the flutter of book pages, and the creative mess of her junk journal, slowly dimmed. For this 22-year-old nurse, joy turned to confusion as her favorite hobbies unraveled. At first, it was small things—missing running shoes, misplaced novels. Then came the heartbreak: her handcrafted journal, torn to pieces. The culprit? Her 23-year-old boyfriend, secretly sabotaging the things she loved out of jealousy. What unfolded wasn’t just sabotage—it was control masked as affection. Her passions, once a refuge from long hospital shifts, became battlegrounds in a relationship she thought was safe. Her Reddit confession opens a raw conversation about emotional manipulation and the subtle ways love can twist into possessiveness. As readers reflect on her courage to speak out, one question lingers: when someone tries to erase what makes you happy, is love really love at all?

So I (f21) have a lot of hobbies. I’m sort of what you might call a hobby collector lol. But my top ones right now are running (training for a marathon), baking, reading, and doing something called junk journaling, not sure if anyone is familiar. Specifically reading I’ve been doing since I was a young teenager.

This started about six months ago, when I saw that several of my old books were dog eared, which I don’t do to my books. I asked my bf if he had read them, which I would be totally fine with, but he insisted he hadn’t touched them. Odd but whatever. Then after that, I literally could never find my running shoes.

I bought a rather expensive pair and keep them separate from my other shoes because I’m a nurse and my hospital shoes are n**ty lmao. But the running shoes I could never find. They would always turn up days later though, somewhere I definitely hadn’t put them. Again, odd but whatever. And then, my journal got completely destroyed.

Somehow, it was left OUTSIDE in our garage, where it is known to leak when it rains. It didn’t necessarily get water damaged but the moisture made all my pages peel up and practically 28 pages ruined. The pages take me over and hour each and I’m quite proud of them. 28 plus hours of my artwork, ruined.

This is so stupid but I genuinely started to believe the house was haunted lmao. I did shed a few tears over my journal and my bf rolled his eyes at that but helped me glue them all back down and salvage as much as possible. I had a fleeting thought that he put out there but it was honestly so weird I was like… why would he?

Then, it was back to my books. I have a huge bookshelf with about 200+ books because I read daily. I started to notice one by one, they were f**king disappearing. Like straight up, GONE. I searched every corner of the house and could not find them. I even texted all three of my sisters, my brother, and my bfs sister, asking if they had borrowed any and didn’t tell me.

They all said they hadn’t. My bfs sister borrows my books often but she always asks and insisted she didn’t have any. When this happened I was like. What the f**k. And then it was my baking. I could never find my mixers or my baking sheets or anything whenever I wanted to bake. The final straw though was when I found my kitchen aid mixer broken, literally just would not turn on.

And if you don’t know, those things are expensive!!!! I straight up asked him, did you do this? Like why is all my s**t broken or lost recently? He finally admitted to purposely hiding or breaking my things, because my hobbies “annoy” him. I’m not going to lie, I exploded. I told him he was a weirdo for touching my stuff and that it was honestly so strange to do this as an adult.

He proceeded to defend himself saying that I was spending more time on my “made up” hobbies than with him and this was the only way to make me focus on our relationship again. Which for context, isn’t true at all. We still have a great relationship (I thought). We go on dates twice a week, we have s** regularly, we get along with each others families and friends.

Like I’m so confused. We’ve been together for two whole years. I love him so much and other than this odd behavior, he’s so good to me. After that argument I was genuinely so distraught that I left the house and went to my sisters’ house, who live together. They also agreed it was the oddest thing in the world.

The icing on the f**king cake when I got home this morning was that he. Threw. Out. All. Of. My. S**t. Cut the soles out of running shoes, cut the laces, threw out my Apple Watch, destroyed the baking things, cut the silicone molds, the box that all my missing books were in? In the f**king dumpster with all of my other journal supplies.

The journal he helped me fix was torn to shreds. I genuinely started to sob. I know it sounds dumb and over dramatic but I genuinely worked so hard on my journal that it made me cry. Literally hundreds of dollars and some of my favorite books, in the trash. Money spent on baking supplies, which I use to bake for my baby cousin’s elementary school- ruined.

I just don’t understand what is wrong with him???? He’s never been like this before. Ever. I’m genuinely so f**king confused what has gotten into him. What do I do? What has gotten into him? Is it something else he could be projecting? I’m genuinely so confused.

This story screams of a relationship teetering on a dangerous edge. When a partner targets your passions, it’s not just about hobbies—it’s about control. The young woman’s boyfriend didn’t just hide her running shoes or trash her journal; he chipped away at her identity. His actions reflect a need to dominate, cloaked in jealousy, which experts warn can escalate. Dr. Lundy Bancroft, author of Why Does He Do That?, notes, “Abusers often target what brings their partner joy to assert power”. Here, the boyfriend’s calculated destruction—books, baking tools, even her Apple Watch—shows a pattern of emotional abuse. By dismissing her distress, he further invalidates her, a classic tactic to erode self-worth. Bancroft’s insight suggests he’s not just annoyed; he’s punishing her for existing outside his orbit. This situation ties to broader issues of coercive control, affecting 1 in 4 women in relationships (CDC, 2021). Destroying property is a red flag, often preceding physical harm. The Reddit user’s shock mirrors many victims’ initial denial, as abusers often mask their behavior with charm early on. For her, safety is priority one. Experts advise documenting evidence, like photos of the damage, and creating an exit plan with trusted allies (National Domestic Violence Hotline). She should avoid confronting him alone and consider legal steps, like a restraining order.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit didn’t hold back, and their hot takes are as fiery as a kitchen mixer meltdown! From calls to press charges to chilling warnings about escalation, the community rallied around her. Here are their thoughts: ThisWorldIsOnFire − Ummm, he’s a f**king p**cho. Kick him out, change the locks and sue him.

ThisWorldIsOnFire − Ummm, he’s a f**king p**cho. Kick him out, change the locks and sue him.

Kikicatlvr − He’s an abusive a**hole. Leave him. You deserve someone who encourages and celebrates your interests.

DplusLplusKplusM − The most dangerous time in a relationship with a mentally ill abuser is when you leave. So make your plan carefully to be sure you've already taken what you need out of the home. Have a place to go that he won't think of (so no parents or best friends). Then if he does find you call the police and consider getting a restraining order. When someone is this openly unwell you can't reason with them or hope for them to magically change. So save yourself.

Doctor_Expendable − Charge him for it. Destroying your stand mixer and running shoes could add up to felony charges. All your books are definitely a huge cost. Don't just break up with him and kick him out. Get him arrested for breaking your s**t. Get your money back.. He wasn't adult enough to handle another adult. Show him the consequences of his toddler tantrum.

flavius_lacivious − **Please read this. Your life may be in danger**. My ex did similar s**t. He also hid my running shoes. He regularly took things and hid them from me then ridiculed me for “losing my keys.” He crashed my computer all the time.. It has zero to do with your hobbies and everything to do with punishing you..

These are the actions of someone who WILL kill you and stage it as an accident or suicide.. I am not being dramatic here. My therapist had me file an affidavit with her that I was not suicidal and if I died by *any* means even “accidental”, the cops should investigate my ex. She was an ex cop and terrified for my safety.

I had casually mentioned I was concerned he would try to poison me and she said “absolutely.”. Your bf is extremely hostile toward you and has the capacity to kill you. This is very troubling. Do not brush this off. Do not believe his apologies. Do not argue or antagonize him at all. Lie and appease him until you can escape safely (they will move on to a new victim.)

Do not take ANY food or drink from him, be careful of anything in the house you eat or drink but he does not. Do not try to explain this to people outside your safe group because they will not believe you. He WANTS to see you in pain, so until you can escape, be mopey and depressed around them. Reinforce the idea that he has “won.” Lie about your plans.. This is not about your hobbies.

dagonesque − It breaks my heart for you that you think you’re being over-dramatic about this. This man knew exactly how to hurt you the most and he did it repeatedly.. What you need to do is end this relationship.

Poppiesatnight − You seriously need to leave. There was a post before about how a guy killed all his girlfriend’s plants. She didn’t leave and he then killed all her cats.. This is not even remotely normal and it will get so much worse.

NASA_official_srsly − This is ABUSE. You are being abused. You need to break up and leave. Absolutely unhinged behaviour and unequivocally abuse

Haloperimenopause − Call the police- he's escalating and you'll be next. I'm serious, this is the kind of behaviour men who kill their wives and girlfriends do, classic family annihilator stuff- 'if I can't have you no one can'. Take lots of pictures before you call the police, and share them with your friends and family so when he turns this all back on you and says you're being over-dramatic they know exactly what he did.. You are not safe with this man.

Psuedo_Pixie − I am a psychologist who has worked with victims and perpetrators of violence. I am just going to give it to you straight. You should never be alone with this person again. I would recommend never even speaking with him again. You can use an intermediary, ideally the police, if you need to coordinate with him in any way.

The most important thing now is your safety. Do not go back for your belongings if that means being alone with him. Do not tell him where you are going. File a police report, and do not hesitate to get a restraining order if he escalates in any way. Tell your friends and family exactly what is going on so that you have a network of safety and support.

Bottom line, he has revealed himself to be a vindictive, calculating, and destructive person. While all of this is new to you, I can promise you that this is not new for him. This is who he is and indicative of how he sees the world. I cannot diagnose him here obviously, but the behavior you describe is suggestive of a serious personality disorder.

The fact that he has slowly destroyed your belongings over six months is deeply frightening, and is consistent with someone who could easily progress to harming you or others directly. Please do not get hung up on the fact that you didn’t see this coming. It is not at all unusual for people like this to be quite charming, and it sounds like was on “good behavior” until you moved in together.

But the mask will crack over time, and the darker impulses will surface - and that’s unfortunately what you are dealing with now. Lastly, please know that this has virtually nothing to do with you. This is all about him and what appears to be a severe underlying mental disorder. The best thing you can do right now is to get away from him and focus on moving forward safely.

These opinions pack a punch, but do they capture the full picture, or is there more to unpack? Her story is a gut-punch, revealing how love can mask manipulation. From trashed journals to severed running shoe laces, her boyfriend’s actions weren’t just petty—they were a power grab. As she rebuilds, her strength shines through, but the road ahead demands caution. What would you do if your passions became someone’s target? Share your thoughts—have you faced similar betrayal, or how would you navigate this heartbreak?